Don’t cry over spilled milk. Wipe it up and pour yourself another glass.
I don’t know how many of you know that I manage a service for people with mental health problems and I do provide life coaching sessions too.During the spam of my career I met lots of people who are not able to move on due to a lot of mental and psychological problems.The blockage of emotion,fear of change,turmoil and insecurities led these people to depression,stress and often breakdowns.
Today I just want to write something about “letting go and move on” phase and make you aware that I empathise with the ones who are going through hard times.
People often tries to psycho analyse other people’s life and blaming other for everything whats happen to them.However what they forget is the fact that as people move one with life and grow older they changed.They changed priorities,life goals,who to care/love and what to do with their lives.I am not saying that this is the norm but it happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realise that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. Since the easiest way to act in a society approved way is to feel that way inside and the fear of punishment and guilt help structure internal mental and emotional urge to go down until you hit rock bottom.I don’t recall who wrote this quote but it still validate some of the things I believe and preach.
When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
As these approved habits of acting become established and rewarded, they further structure the habitual patterns of mental functioning. Fear of rejection is a powerful motivator, because you have an inherent social instinct, a desire to belong, to be normal. Nobody likes being thought bad, but we are invalidated in so many ways that a general sense of unworthiness and guilt can easily be built up.Making changes take time and I don’t expect you to get up in the morning and decide that is ,I want to break free and its all done as you clap your hands.Nevertheless you can spend hours and days over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and stop crying over the split milk. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours.
One of the thing I love about life coaching is a tool I found quite useful.It is called the ‘ wheel of life” and give you the opportunity to write down all your problems,hence the ability to decides which ones are the top priority and help you to make some choices in your life.So lets think for a minute about this scenario:
“Helen,housewife ,going through a lot of stress and became depressed as she can cope with daily life.She finds her partner annoying,mean as he doesn’t give her enough money to look after the kids and the house.She is at the breaking point where enough is enough and she can’t take it anymore.She told her partner that she needs some solutions for their problems but he care less about whats going on.He continues with his routine and after 2 weeks he said that he needs to move on as he had enough.Helen decides to see her GP and get some antidepressants as she things the medication will help her to sail through the problems.In the meantime one of her friend recommended a life coach.The coach went through the wheel of life with Helen and Helen found herself in an awakening moment as she discovered the primary reasons of her problems.She understood how to change and decided to implement these changes in her life.Along the way friends and family keep motivating her.She decides to volunteer,learn new skills and get a new job.In that way she could create a meaning to some of her problems and this is the only way out.She decides to take the step to self discovery and recovery.
We have to accept life with all the ups and downs and we have to reassess our beliefs.We have to mirror the past with the present and look for the future.What do we really want to be?Most people want a recognition for their needs to be loved or looked after,others want security,freedom,meanings to their life,a proper understanding about innate potential for self development and how to achieve a balance in life.When all these are better understood things could be easily mended or implemented. I believe there are so many things to be said or any other ideas to be added however I dont want to drag the post to “omg what such a boring and forever or never ending” but I wish to end my post with another beautiful quote:“And I told him, I said: “One day you’re going to miss the subway because it’s not going to come. One of these days, it’s going to break down and it’s not going to come around and everyone else will just wait for the next one or will take the bus, or walk, or run to the next station: they will go on with their lives. And you’re not going to be able to go on with your life! You’ll be standing there, in the subway station, staring at the tube. Why? Because you think that everything has to happen perfectly and on time and when you think it’s going to happen! Well guess what! That’s not how things happen! And you’ll be the only one who’s not going to be able to go on with life, just because your subway broke down. So you know what, you’ve got to let go, you’ve got to know that things don’t happen the way you think they’re going to happen, but that’s okay, because there’s always the bus, there’s always the next station…you can always take a cab.” ― C. JoyBell C.
taking as a step farther….