Depending on how we handle them, feelings can lead to great trouble. But the feelings themselves just are. In that sense, feelings are like arms or legs. If you hit or kick someone, then your arms or legs are causing trouble. But there’s nothing inherently wrong with arms or legs. The same with feelings.”
― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
How many of us are terrified when comes to engage in difficult conversation. In here I don’t want to juxtapose the ideology of tackling poor performance however I want to raise my concern about the immediate conversation we have to deal with on daily basis e.g.with spouse,kids,best friends,co-workers,bosses ,parents and so on.
Communication with our dearest ones often appear to be the most difficult part because we don’t want only to bring up the problems but also make them to understand that the issue is there and this has to be sorted asap. In the happy cases some people can communicate openly and bring the cards to the table. They have acknowledged the fact there is a problem which need to be sorted out. However there are some undermining statements that the issue could lead to a big problem especially when emotion and feelings are involved.
Just imagine for example the scenario when you discovered that £1000 is missing from your bank account and you have no money to pay the rent. You know for a fact that only few persons could skimmed you off in that way, either your kids in a very selfishly manner or your spouse when he’s having a loudly affair.(I must also apologise to people who really experienced the scenario but my post is totally not aimed at you at all.) So who’s the rat?
So let’s recap for a minute the scenario. Should you share with your family how hurt you feel when you know that all your savings are gone in one useless way?What should you do with your anger when you found out your spouse blew away your rent for a weekend away with his bimbo girlfriend?
OOpps, that hurt isn’t? How do you think you should react in such scenario? Could you let your anger become so volatile? Could you wish to go to the kitchen and grab the kitchen knife and throw it to the first person you see?
Wow, that is messy ,buttercup, and I could notice some kind of trouble if you dare or even thought to use the above scenario.
In the presence of strong feelings, many of us work hard to stay rational and emotionless. Getting to deep into feelings is messy at all level and cloudy judgement will lead you to nowhere.
But how to deal with what we call “inappropriate “ or not the right time to bring it up?
Bringing up feelings can be also scary and uncomfortable and can make us feel vulnerable. And I know this is the major problem we often want to avoid .To be caught in our own vulnerability.
After all, what if the other person dismisses our feelings or respond without real understanding? Nevertheless this take our feelings to heart in a way that wound them or irrevocably damages the relationship. But the good thing is that once we’ve got our feelings off our chest ,its their turn.
So peeps, are we ready to listen to people and understand their action? Or for us the action will be primarily motive to dig deep down and bring unsolved past issues when we felt mistreated ,underappreciated ,under loved and yet we still can summon our anger and resentment when we think that is just about the time. You get the point about what I am talking about.
Anyway guys I am so open for discussion.I would like to hear how do you deal and how do you feel when dealing with such scenario.Are your emotions and feeling layered?Do you feel naked and exposed?
What did you learnt from the experience and are you able to deal again with such scenario.
Looking forward for your comments.
In a curiosity ave, Mimi.