hey there ….
I didn’t see the greatness within me but there was a time when nothing in my life worked. I used to live in a very poor condition and I had a career that left me under-paid, under-utilized, and uninspired. I was living a washed-out version of the dreams I had hoped for my life.Although I tried to make the best of everything it seemed that I was always stuck in the boring middle.I used to complain most of the time and to blame people for my own unhappiness.But, all of that changed when I figured out what was causing me to live a small life.I was the one to blame and it was the time for some actions.People around me seemed happy and content.They seemed to know the answers on how to do better.Everyone seemed somehow to have a better life except myself . It made me feel as if I was always trying to catch up and chase after some perfect version of myself that was somewhere out there in the future. No matter how hard I tried, I just could never quite reach it…this thing…whatever it was.I was living a nightmare …Everything and I mean it ,everything seemed impossible …I was living with the worst image of myself …aged and unhappy..Although I tried hard nothing seemed to work .I could heard people around me making comments.It’s true that teh comments hurt .I felt somehow naked …People’ comments left me feeling inadequate and half-baked. But, the real truth is: I was…I am…always have been…whole, perfect, and complete.I guess I didnt know myself very well. I somehow have grown into the belief that I needed everything to be a certain way in order to find and appreciate moments of happiness. But the truth is, to be happy we need much less than we think we need. In fact, I believe one of the best feelings comes when you realize that you can be perfectly OK and happy without the things you once thought you needed.
It took me years to realise that I can do better .First and foremost I can do better for myself .I hope you dont sense around me an aura of selfishness but in order to function at the best of my abilities I needed to be happy .The happiest people do not live with a certain set of circumstances, but rather with a certain set of attitudes. Choosing to be positive and grateful for what you have now is going to determine how you’re going to live the rest of your life.
I searched from within ..I discovered myself …Every day I took little steps to get closer to the persona non grata ,,me” .But the road of discovery has not been that easy.The biggest prison I lived was in my fear of what other people think of me .I felt guilty for the way i lived my life and I felt guilty when I decided to live my life the way I wanted.But shadows from my past darken the doorstep of my present .I was broken ,inside and outside.Dark clouds always invaded my life,invaded my soul.I was a mess ,a completely mess.But I am an Aries so Aries dont give up that easily .I stiched the broken me.Every little piece of me.I took one stich at the time and doing one by one I learnt of what I was made of on the inside.And that gave me the ability to rebuilt myself ,this time stronger than ever before.
I unleashed the little beastie…or I unleashed a little angel?????
I think I am somewhere in the middle …a very small girl living in a very big world.