The need to belong

What is one thing that we, as human beings, crave? It’s an intensive feeling , the need to belong  to something .Take a look:  as human being we grow, we learn, we explore, we discover ,we fall in love ,we work ,we grow old  and we see it all around us. School, workplaces, churches, neighborhood, business networking groups, work and community sports teams, volunteer organizations, media, networking , the list of groups and organizations we belong to is endless. I think the reason why I crave for belonging  is attached to how I was raised. I grew up very alone, desperately trying to please my parents—then tried to please my teachers,work colleagues,bosses  and community .And they all serve a very important purpose in our lives: the sense of belonging to and being a part of something bigger than ourselves.This is a basic need that nearly all of us have to some degree or another.And for some, the search for the right “fit” can take a while. Others find it quickly. I know a lot of folks have found their sense of community and belonging through. To belong or not to belong, that is the question. Needless to say, we all need ,,something ‘’ in our life .In childhood I created ,,my perfect world’’ and I distanced myself of everything .All I wanted was ,,the crave for perfection ,the crave for belonging for the best .Then I realized that everything around me wasn’t good enough to please me .I wanted the best parents ,the best environment and the list seemed endless . When you grow up  and you find someone that shows any signs of  the role model and warmth, you hold on to that as tightly as possibly, not wanting to let go.  Elementary school turns into middle school, middle school turns into high school, high school turns into work, work turns into college, college turns into university, university turns into  work, but those emotions engrained from youth don’t evolve. The heartache is always the same,  just in different forms.

Having my heart rattled so many times, today I questioned the purpose of belonging. Why do we even need it? It only ends in wanting more and sometime ends in disappointment . Why am I going to keep putting myself out there if I just get hurt every time? It’s not worth it. Wait—Is it worth it?Do I belong somewhere ?Do I make a difference ?

While I was contemplating the importance of belonging, I was scraping the Internet for interesting quotes about belonging – you know, the usual… oh wait, you don’t do that? That’s awkward. Anyway, I came across to few quotes that I found impeccably honest and truthful.  ,,The feeling of not belonging, of not being entirely worthy, of being sometimes hostage to your own sensibilities. Those things speak to me very personally.Anthony Minghella’’,’’ Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality, and physical characteristics, warts and all; and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question.Willard Scott’’, By building relations we create a source of love and personal pride and belonging that makes living in a chaotic world easier.Susan Lieberman’’, It is that, but really, it’s about how we don’t recognise the little things in life, or appreciate the little things in life like belonging. A sense of belonging is a big thing today.James Caan.And not the last: We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.William Glasser

In other words, it is essential to belong, for the heartache that comes along at the end exhibits the reason for living. While there is no real answer to how to protect your heart, one can only wait it out and hope for better in the future. Not only should one hope, but also make a conscious effort to live a happier life, regardless your life terms and conditions. If you make yourself happy, it is harder for someone else to break your heart. So you should belong, but before you crave for the best ,learn to  know and love  yourself first and foremost.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “The need to belong

  1. Sena Işın October 27, 2012 / 2:19 pm

    Dear Blogger, I read and liked this piece of writing of yours. I am a psychologist myself and interested in the topic of motivation. If you would like to read further about people and togetherness, I would like to suggest you a book. if you are interested, please let me know

    • mimipopa October 27, 2012 / 2:37 pm

      Dear Sena

      many thanks for your kind comments ,I am really keen to read the book you recommended

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