overloaded

Workload issues lie behind much of the stress we experience. Not only can a heavy workload be tiring in its own right, it often drives us to work much longer hours than we would really like. This means that we spend time working that we’d prefer to use for the things that give life value. It also means that we’re working when we should really be resting. Worse than this, a heavy routine workload leaves us little time to deal with the emergencies that come up from time-to-time. This adds to the feeling of being “out of control” that is so much part of stress.

Oh my …That’s so true ….Where am I? What can I do? These questions sound so familiar and everyone has been burden with such   symptoms .The desire to achieve more goals sound like a distance dream .i  have done so much but I cannot stop, I mean I  cannot stop, right?? ..I  obtained the goal and now deal with the responsibilities of managing this new goal. Have I heard the word ,, challenge ‘’ somewhere ?Challenge fuels your  inspiration, your will power, your spirit, your idealism. It is the flame that ignites ideas, spiritual search and creative projects. I see myself  in the middle of a pile of responsibilities –paperworks ,chores,duties ,etc . I DON’T WANT to stop right now . I can be  the queen . I  conquered long and hard for my  kingdom. By obtaining this  price, I also obtained much responsibility. Now I HAVE to be on top  and rule my kingdom but I don´t look overly happy. I look bored, tired and closed in, by the flaming torches of good intentions. The responsibilities of ruling a kingdom are heavier then I thought. I won I achieved most of the goals I have set so far , but now I have to rule and I am exhausted by my responsibilities. Hard work and taking on responsibility are good things, the problem arises when the word ´too´ is added.  Since this is  my own dream, its likely to be goals or duties I strongly believe in. May they be spiritual, business, family or socially oriented. It seems that all my actions and work contribute to a worthy goal. And that might be just the problem. How many areas in my life have piles labelled ‘things to do when I am done’? I think I   might have fallen in the trap of wanting to do everything that needs to be done. Pushing myself  too hard, with the excuse that my  time to relax will come. May it be the weekend to come, after the task is done, the financial setback is cleared, the laundry is done. The list goes on and on.  I must take  a moment to consider this. I ask myself  if I have to do all that I do. Can I do them differently, get some help or reorganize?? I NEED           to think .THINK! Especially when I  feel tired, stressed, panicky or weary.In this point  in my life I am close to a burn out . I can’t relax anymore, just keep worrying, keep  going on the course I am on. Since I am so overloaded , not one creative thought came to my mind to alter my situation. I heard  myself say to a friend ‘I am like a camel, I’ll walk through the desert with everyone on my back on just a little water’. I was very proud of that capability to carry on and on. But look at me now ,I should face the moment of truth ,,I do too much and I should stop ..but I DON’T ..I am down for more working hours ,and everything seems endless. But I am very strong and I am proud of myself that I can carry on.Why am I so proud of that capability? I could see that other people were doing the same things , spending time and endless hours to achieve their dreams. I can see someone just like myself, but this person is waiting for better conditions. More time ,the right time , for one.

All of a sudden I realized that a real strength had turned against me. It took a while though to change the behavior that comes along with the ‘camel approach’. The startling effect of reconsidering my pride in that behavior woke me up eventually. I am here and I am alone .My brain stopped to communicate with me as I don’t want to listen to anyone. Nothing wrong with carrying a heavy load on my back. But not as a rule.I think that once the work is done I can relax. And since I am so tired, the option of relaxing even just a little bit, seems nowhere to be found.. They’ll say, if I do not do it, nobody does. So it will be there waiting for me anyway. Better I do it now. There is a fine line between reacting and responding. Reaction tends to be automatic. Responding makes me step back, analyze, think and choose.  I take a break .I am taking a break and I relax. Finally I enjoy life …I enjoy my day off .

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