I want to be me again

I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent.
Marilyn Monroe

As  I child I dreamt of becoming  a nurse and I used to play with dolls pretending they were my patients and they needed love and care ,,,,then I grew up and I became a teenager and the priority of becoming a nurse hasnt changed ,,,It was like a dream which I had to make it true ..At the age of 18 I finally became a nurse so the world became  my oyster ..I thought that acchieving a career was everything I wanted .There were also more things I used to do and I stopped them for a reason or another ,Should I be blamed that I gave up on dreams ?When I attempt to describe, justify, judge, or explain why I did  it made me feel guilty . In effect I  feed it  with emotions and feelings that I made a wise decision for an 18 years old . Hence to make changes in the way my mind projects stories and images in my virtual reality is counter intuitive. In the beginning I  can not go directly attack it and attempt to cut out everything I don’t want. Without skilled techniques and guidance it is likely to bush out and seem bigger and more difficult than before.To really change what the virtual reality projects requires that I become skillful in slicing it apart in a way that it doesn’t grow back.To change the patterns of the mind and currents of emotion might seem like a daunting task. At least that is what the virtual reality projects as if it were truthful analysis.Whether it is easy or difficult is irrelevant compared to the consequences. My happiness for the rest of my life weighs in the balance.

Where I am ?Who I am ?I want to be me again ….yes ,,,a very daunting task and although seems very difficult to change things now  I am working on me …The difference between happiness and misery begins with changing the quality of images and story projection in the virtual world of my  mind.  I want beauty ,happiness and I want success.I  do not paint upon it my judgments, criticisms, fears, justifications, or even opinions and descriptions.  In the beginning this may only happen in brief moments. With practice it becomes a normal way to live. Then I am able to see the world as it is, and  I see myself where I want to be . There is the realization of and perception of beauty as the fog is lifted and my  eyes open to this clarity.  I am a leader and I have a succesful career but I have goals and dreams ,,,I aim high and I will not  stop until all my dreams will come true …they will represent me ,,,my reality ,,,my present,,,,me .

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